What Do I Know About Spain?
Later this year, I’ll be adding another country to the list of countries I’ve visited. In fact, I’ll be adding two countries, but this article is only about one of them. I already know a fair bit about Scotland. Technically, I live in the same country as the Scottish (The UK) so give or take an undecipherable accent here and sheep-stomach-based main course there, I’m not expecting to be challenged too much on the Scottish culture and identity front. This article then is about the other country I’m visiting. Spain. I can’t help but have my vision of what Spain will be like to be influenced by the Club 18-30 TV programmes that graced the tube in the late nineties and early noughties. These shows were fly-on-the-wall docusoaps which documented the Spain that I think I know. My preconceptions can be summarised as follows;
Brits Everywhere
According to ‘Club Med’, I should expect there to be several thousand noisy, anti-social and fat British holiday-makers with their noisy, anti-social and fat children in tow. I should expect these people to wear very little clothing despite the fact they really ought to. I should also expect them to drink vast quantities of lager and make idiots of themselves.
Everything With Chips
What with all the Brits, I should find it difficult finding something authentically Spanish to eat. Instead, perhaps I’d like to try fried eggs with chips, or sausage with chips or a burger with a side-order of chips. If I were to feel my chips needed a certain something extra, I needn’t worry. HP Sauce is in good supply.
Paella
If chips aren’t my thing, Paella is made around the clock and is eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Everyone eats it all the time. Some people don’t stop eating it.
Siesta
The Spanish like to have a nap just after lunch. Everything closes and everyone goes to bed for an hour or so. This I can only assume is because the first five hours on the working day are always overwhelmingly busy and stressful and not because the Spanish are lazy.
The Beach
There’s really nothing to see in the middle of Spain. The only bit worth visiting are the beaches. Once at the beach, sit on it all day, surrounded by thousands of naked, sun burnt strangers. If you can get to the sea, wander around in it for a bit before wondering what the point of all this is. Don’t expect to be able to find your sitting spot when you’re done. It’ll either be lost in a sea of bodies or some Germans will have nicked it.
Sun
It’s pretty hot in Spain. No it isn’t. It’s very hot. Horribly so.
Dinner is Served… Eventually
As a result or nappy-time earlier in the day, it’s the custom to wait until as late as possible before eating the main meal of the day. Some people like to eat dinner just before they eat breakfast the day after to show off to their friends just how Spanish they really are.
Souvenirs
It is apparently customary after a holiday in Spain to go home with a straw donkey under one arm whilst wearing an enormous hat. The bigger the hat and the shoddier the workmanship on the donkey, the better. Am I looking forward to going to Spain? I am actually. As odd as it sounds after my sarcastic and baseless tirade, I’m eager to be able to challenge the stereotypes. I actually like being proved wrong. I’d rather know the facts then sound-off without them. Whether I find that I’m wrong or right, you’ll be hearing about it later this year. Even if I find that I am right, it’ll be good to be able to tick another country off of my list. Hopefully, by the end of the year, I’ll have visited 25% of the European states.
